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OctoberSex : 神秘礼物送出! Giving out Mysterious Gift!

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Dirty Joke Of The Day 3 : Lost Gravy Ladle

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how handsome John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of Johns' sexual orientation and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mark and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Mark came to John and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

John said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Mark, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Mark. But the fact remains that if he was sleeping in his own bed, he would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom"

Female Sexual Pleasure

92.18% Men don't last longer to satisfy women, sexually!
DON'T EVER LEAVE A WOMAN SEXUALLY DISSATISFIED!

If you don't last longer to satisfy a woman, you must satisfy her by following simple steps!

Step #1

Connect to her emotions by expressing your feelings and feeding her vanity by praising her beauty and charms. Tame her mind first, her body will follow.

Step #2

Start playing with her body very gently. Don't kiss or touch her hotter zones yet. Make circles on her entire body with your middle finger.

Step #3

Now make circles on her body with the tip of your tongue. Circular motions build an orgasm very quickly!

Step #4

On and off hug her and kiss her to mix your affection with your passion. Peep in her eyes, whisper in her ears and keenly stare her naked body as a great admirer.

Step #5

Massage her pubic area in circular motions with your index and middle finger to relieve her tense nerves.

Step #6

Gently stroke and rub inner lips (labia minora) of her vagina. Insert your fourth finger and wipe all walls of vagina three or four times. Withdraw your finger towards clitoris by gently rubbing it.

Step #7

Smell the aroma of her genitals and behave as if fragrance is intoxicating you.

Step #8

Now leave her vagina and kiss her boobs and lips like a passionate lover.

Step #9

Go down again and give a passionate kiss on her vagina. Bare her clitoris with one hand and stroke it with tip of your tongue in circular motion.
Now leave it and insert your middle finger and wipe all walls of vagina. Start stroking her clitoris with tip of your tongue in circular motion again.
Within few seconds she will have best orgasm of her life!!! ♥♥♥

Dirty Joke Of The Day 2 : Three Daughters

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".

So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.

So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.

The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."

Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".

Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full". XD

Dirty Joke Of The Day 1 : Tricking A Nun

A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.

After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie! "

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

Sex Toys for Healthy (and Happy!) Relationships

Here’s a not-so-dirty little secret: sex is good for you! It may lengthen your life, boost your heart health and immune system, reduce pain and stress and improve your sleep, according to a report co-authored by Beverly Whipple, professor emerita at Rutgers University and co-author of The Science of Orgasm and The G Spot: And Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality.

As for sex toys, there’s no evidence yet that they directly improve health, but they can definitely help you express yourself sexually. “For people who are comfortable using them, they bring a lot of pleasure to self-stimulation or stimulation with a partner,” says Whipple.

More and more women are using vibrators these days, especially those under 30. And while it’s a good thing that sex accessories are allowing women to take pleasure, er, into their own hands, it’s often a win-win for both partners. “Research shows that women who are highly sexual are more likely to be using vibrators,” says Edward Herold, professor emeritus in the department of family relations and applied nutrition at the University of Guelph, and co-author of Human Sexuality in a World of Diversity.

Although some women worry that their partner will find sex toys threatening, they can actually help couples enjoy a more fun and adventurous sex life. “Couples who have a more playful attitude towards sex have a more satisfying sexual relationship,” he adds.

Not sure if your partner would find sex toys a turn-on or a turn-off? Try introducing the topic in stages. Sarah Forbes-Roberts, co-owner of Come As You Are in Toronto, likes an idea she read by New York sex educator and writer Ducky Doolittle: “Pick up a book about sex, bring it home, and you can each circle the parts you like,” she says. “Have that conversation before you come into the store together and buy something.”

“Having a date night to shop online can be fun, even if you don’t purchase anything,” Forbes-Roberts says. Plus, you can still call the store for guidance, and rest assured that your delivery will arrive in discreet packaging. Consider going to the retail outlets of these stores, too. “It’s empowering to touch the products that you’re considering using and to speak to a person who understands what you’re working to achieve,” says Andrea Dobbs of Womyns’Ware in Vancouver.

Sex toys that are good for beginners include egg-shaped vibrators, vibrating penis rings and a new product called the We-Vibe, which can be worn during intercourse to the delight of both partners. “Lots of men enjoy vibration, too,” explains Forbes-Roberts. You want a toy that can be shared, agrees Dobbs. She likes their exclusive products such as the Liberty Bell and the Swinger’s Pad. Lots of couples also swear by the Hitachi Magic Wand. “Plug-ins provide a lot more intensity—plus, it just looks like a regular massager,” says Herold.

Whatever your choice, be sure to buy sex toys made with safe materials such as non-porous 100 percent silicone and phthalate-free rubber products, which can reduce your exposure to harmful chemicals but are still soft, unlike Pyrex or stainless steel models. “Do your research if the product you’re considering isn’t silicone, stainless steel, lucite, elastomer or food-grade vinyl,” adds Dobbs. When in doubt, use a condom on the toy—and definitely use one if you’re sharing it. Washing sex toys with soap and a sex toy cleaner after each use also prevents the spread of sexually transmitted infections—ensuring that you’ll be having good, clean fun for a long time to come.